Sunday, July 11, 2010

Summer Abundance

Here is daddy celebrating the abundance of our summer - Baby Andrew and our gigantoid Tomatoes!

It's been a long time since my last post, I know!  I had a baby, what can I say!  A recent reach-out from another mom who lost a baby inspired me to finally post an update here.  Her story was very touching as she lost her baby girl at 36 weeks.  They found some clotting in the cord and after she refused to take the doctor's word, she pushed for more testing and found gene mutations for MTHFR - similar to me.  The reason I share this here is because I just got done living 9 months of worrying that Andrew would face a similar fate.  I only felt a little relief when they finally laid me on the c-section table - my body had gotten us through and he would finally be here.
No one has asked me "how does it feel now that he's here" or whether I am now "over" my losses.  I don't expect I'll ever get that question.  But I know I had it myself so I'm going to answer it.  The minute I heard Andrew's cry, I was in disbelief that he was my baby. I still feel that way.  I look at him and I can NOT believe he is here and he is ours.  I feel like I am in a dream.  I don't feel like I've even experienced the true euphoria of it yet b/c there's a little part of me that is still waiting to wake up.  But whenever I get the chance (hard to have a moment with your baby when you also have a toddler!), I have little conversations with him and it becomes more real.  I was looking at a couple toddler boys today at the park and trying to imagine that being him in a year! I guess I'm still getting used to the idea of actually having arrived at this point.  I have a second child. I have a son.  Kaelyn has a little brother.
That said,  I'm amazed that I still have the same sadness for the girls I didn't have.  None of that has changed.  I just have something additional.  As any mom who's lost a child will tell you, you can't replace them.  But you sure are in love with the children you have with you.  And mainly, I'm just so relieved to be done "trying" to have another child.  It's been 2 years in August that we started this journey to number 2.  I'm exhausted and so ready to just enjoy this part and all we have in our life right now (including our yummy food and our prolific garden!).

1 comment:

  1. kathy I am so grateful for this post. I ordered the book you suggested and it should be here within days. I am going to disect your blog in the next few days and get myself prepared for my appt with the MFM on monday....again, THANK YOU for reaching out...and every time I hear about your precious Andrew it brings me hope like you do not know...God bless you for taking time to reach out to me while you are so busy...Enjoy your time with your sister and we will talk over the phone when you have the time...xoxoxo...i suggested this blog to a fellow BLM that was also diagnosed last week with the same thing. I just wish we didnt have to lose our babies to find out we have this...maybe one day that can be our movement and get it included into the prenatal testing xoxo


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