New Recipes for Foodie Followers!

I've come to find out that many who still look at this blog come here for recipe ideas.  I can now proudly say that at just 6 weeks post partum, I COOKED!!! Two times this weekend.  Mike is supposed to cook on the weekends but I found some recipes I wanted to try in a couple magazines and I just couldn't help it.  They were so yummy I have to share.

Let me first show off our garden gifts - we are officially in tomato heaven.  And we also just found out that we have probably had the most success in our whole neighborhood (based on our few gardeners that surround us). That's gotta make Mike feel good.  It's been a rough year with our extreme lack of sun - so the fact that ours are actually turning red (or whatever other fun color they are supposed to turn) is a near miracle!!!

And that's not even all of them!!!

So for recipe #1

Eggplant Sandwiches

Slice eggplant into 4 (we substituted zucchini since that's what we had - equally yum)

Rub both sides of each slice with olive oil and dust with salt/pepper

Layer slices of tomato, mozzarella cheese and basil between two slices of eggplant

Grill for about 4 minutes on each side, or until cooked to your desire (and cheese is slightly melted)

Enjoy!

Recipe #2

Grilled Peaches

I always thought grilling fruit was weird but I think they are actually on to something. Now I'm going to go back and find the recipes I passed up on other grilled fruit and see how they are. This one was to die for. 

Slice peaches in half (however many you want to eat!)  I used regular peaches but you can use white, yellow, and even nectarines.

Simmer the following:

3 T Butter

1/3 Cup Honey

1/4 t Vanilla

Brush the sauce onto the top of the peach (I poured it on it and in the pit hole and let it sit for an hour before grilling - that definitely added some magic!)

Grill cut-side down for about 4 minutes

Put a dollop of vanilla ice cream (we used greek yogurt and it was delish) and pour the rest of the sauce on top of each peach. 

Go to heaven.

Recipe #3

Grilled Salmon with Cucumber Plum Relish

Make a marinade of the following:

1/4 cup maple syrup

2 T olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

1/2 t ginger

Relish 

(sounds iffy but is so perfect with the salmon you won't regret it!)

Dice one cucumber and one plum

Add 1 T Rice Vinegar

Toss and let sit until salmon is done

Let salmon soak in marinade for as long as you can before grilling, then grill to your liking.  Top the salmon with the relish and serve.

Recipe #4

Smokey Ratatouille

Use the following vegetables but use as many as appropriate for your number of guests.

Eggplant

Zucchini

Yellow Squash 

Red Bell Pepper

Yellow Onion

Tomato

(I also added Okra for fun)

Slice the vegetables and toss with olive oil, salt, and pepper. 

 Grill all veggies (except tomato and bell pepper) for 3 minutes on each side to char/get grill marks.  Then put on top rack of grill to finish cooking till soft.

Grill whole tomato and whole pepper 3-4 minutes to char, then bring in and remove skins.

Slice all veggies to smaller bite-size chunks.

Toss in the following sauce and serve immediately (warm):

2 T olive oil

2 T balsamic vinegar

1/2 t thyme (fresh is best)

15 leaves of basil chopped

Salt and pepper to taste

Recipe #5

Oatmeal Coconut Chocolate-Chip Cookies

1/3 unsweetened shredded coconut

1 1/2 cups rolled oats

1/2 cup dark chocolate chips

1/2 plus 2 T whole wheat flour (I use pastry)

1/2 t baking soda

1/2 scant teaspoon sea salt

1/2 cup canola oil

1 t vanilla

3/4 cup unrefined brown sugar (such as rapadura)

1 large egg

Preheat oven to 350.  

Combine oats, choc chips, and coconut.  Separately, combine flour, baking soda and salt.

In a large bowl, beat oil, vanilla, and sugar on low speed. Add egg and beat until smooth. Stir in flour mixture just until smooth.  Stir in oat mixture just until combined.

Use slightly greased cookie sheet and bake for 11-14 minutes - rotate pan 1/2 way through,

Summer Abundance

Here is daddy celebrating the abundance of our summer - Baby Andrew and our gigantoid Tomatoes!

It's been a long time since my last post, I know!  I had a baby, what can I say!  A recent reach-out from another mom who lost a baby inspired me to finally post an update here.  Her story was very touching as she lost her baby girl at 36 weeks.  They found some clotting in the cord and after she refused to take the doctor's word, she pushed for more testing and found gene mutations for MTHFR - similar to me.  The reason I share this here is because I just got done living 9 months of worrying that Andrew would face a similar fate.  I only felt a little relief when they finally laid me on the c-section table - my body had gotten us through and he would finally be here.
No one has asked me "how does it feel now that he's here" or whether I am now "over" my losses.  I don't expect I'll ever get that question.  But I know I had it myself so I'm going to answer it.  The minute I heard Andrew's cry, I was in disbelief that he was my baby. I still feel that way.  I look at him and I can NOT believe he is here and he is ours.  I feel like I am in a dream.  I don't feel like I've even experienced the true euphoria of it yet b/c there's a little part of me that is still waiting to wake up.  But whenever I get the chance (hard to have a moment with your baby when you also have a toddler!), I have little conversations with him and it becomes more real.  I was looking at a couple toddler boys today at the park and trying to imagine that being him in a year! I guess I'm still getting used to the idea of actually having arrived at this point.  I have a second child. I have a son.  Kaelyn has a little brother.
That said,  I'm amazed that I still have the same sadness for the girls I didn't have.  None of that has changed.  I just have something additional.  As any mom who's lost a child will tell you, you can't replace them.  But you sure are in love with the children you have with you.  And mainly, I'm just so relieved to be done "trying" to have another child.  It's been 2 years in August that we started this journey to number 2.  I'm exhausted and so ready to just enjoy this part and all we have in our life right now (including our yummy food and our prolific garden!).

My heart is still broken but it's also still beating

A year ago today, I made this blog public.  A year ago today, I should have been in the hospital delivering a new baby girl named Maya.  And today, I should have a one-year-old little girl.  Today should be all about her.  We would be receiving presents in the mail from everyone in the family.  We would be busy getting everything ready for the big party this weekend.  I’m sure we’d have some family in town.

There are a lot of things we wouldn’t have too.  An olive tree.  A garden.  A friend named Bree.  Awareness of the importance of food and our health.  A little boy on the way.  Sad memories that we will never forget.

Today is a day of mixed blessings.  Life does go on, no matter what happens to you along the way.  I’m generally a very “forward looking” person so I do mostly think of our future and all the great possibilities in front of us.  But today, I want to take the time to reflect on the past year (well, really the past year and a half) and all that has changed. 

Now that I know that miscarriage and baby loss is so common, and I know what it is like to go through it, I am so grateful that I can be a support to others who find themselves navigating through this life experience. I am happy that I can be a person who will remember their baby’s due dates and always know that those will be tough months for them.  I would rather be this person than the person I was – the one who would think of the whole experience as something to get over, and at the very least, something I just didn’t understand.  I know now, there is no “getting over it,” there is simply life before and life after.  And I know those who have lost will always appreciate someone who recognizes that yes, today (or even this month) you would have had X if things had been different.

I recently read back through this entire blog.  I am so glad that I recorded some of this experience and I’m so proud of all the things we accomplished during the most difficult and devastating year of our lives.  I will be honest, you did not get to see my darkest moments – or even glimpse them – through the blog posts I shared.  But what I did share connects me to my experience and helps me not to forget.  It’s also helps me to see the progress we’ve made and how solid we really are.

I am so excited for this new baby to come; for Kaelyn to finally have a sibling and for us to be a larger family.  But there is always this underlying thought of what could have been that I can never shake.  It all started with Maya.  Like all the experiences you have with a “first child,” Maya will always be my “first” miscarriage.  She will always be the “first” time I had to experience the shock of seeing no heartbeat. Seeing the shape of my baby but with no activity.  Feeling the despair of the bad dream you never wake from.  The extreme hurt and ache for something to change…for this not to really be the life you have to live now.  I acutely remember walking around wanting to shout that I had a dead baby in my belly, so people would know what I was enduring.  I remember the extreme emptiness that came when she was no longer with me.  And the sadness that I lived with all year from knowing Kaelyn had to experience a year with a mommy who was going through so much emotionally.

In the end, I am still so sad that we have had these experiences.  I’m still hurting that I am pregnant for the FOURTH time with only one live and walking child; that I wonder several times a day if my baby boy is still alive and if he’ll make it into our world with screams.  I want to hate these things about my life.  But the truth is, the whole reason we wanted another child in the first place is because we love the life we have and the family we are.  We still have that and we always will.

I don’t know what the future holds, but May 13 will always be Maya’s birthday for me, just as it is always my father’s birthday.  And I’ve grown comfortable living the “life after.”  My heart is still broken but it is still beating too.  Sadness has been replaced by memories.   But all the feelings of the moments after I lost Maya come rushing back to me when I hear this song (Song #2 on the playlist on the right):

Broken by Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will, will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, having forgot my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

Thank you for following my journey.  And thank you for all who have helped me along the way.  Including Bree who made this cute paper cupcake for Maya's birthday!

Growing and growing

Spring is truly a time for growth around here.  My belly is getting bigger by the day.  Bree got to come visit yesterday. She's on bedrest but was at the doctors and came over to hang out in the sun in the backyard for a bit.  It was great to see her (it's been a few weeks) and we finally got a prego picture together.  We are neck and neck, now sharing a due date.  

We also have significant growth in the garden. Turns out our once weekly rain shower all through Feb,Mar, and April really helped out!  Here are our "shelling" peas - meaning we will be taking the peas out of the pod!

And my most exciting growth spurt this spring... we have an artichoke!!! Can you see it in the middle? I actually screamed out loud when I saw it - sooooo exciting!

Raw Food Birthday!

Okay, I started this year with a goal of eating 50% raw. Then I had a goal of not visiting a grocery store for the month of April.   I didn't come close to meeting either goal.  Pregnancy (okay having a toddler AND being pregnant) make it more difficult to plan anything, let alone learn new ways of cooking or doing things quickly!!!  We do have at least 2 vegetarian days per week.  And since we do so much shopping at the farmers market (or in our backyard) we do have 1-2 all-local meals a week.
The raw diet is so easy but it is a long learning curve and has so many new techniques for cooking.  I love eating the food tho - so it's hard for me not to have it in me to convert at least 50%.  So this week, I talked with my recently converted "raw" foodie friend who has taken it all on and done really well (is curbing her endometriosis, in fact) and have been re-inspired.  So go figure that on my birthday, a day usually filled with Betty Crocker cake mix, I find a "raw strawberry shortcake" at my favorite food place www.healthycreations.com (I actually can go to the location....it's not like they sell this online).  Anyway - I had to show this off because not only was it beautiful, it was absolutely scrumptious.  And now I am re-inspired.  With my birthday money, I'm buying the vitamix. I will have no more excuses not to go raw!! I hope to learn how to do nut milks and make a few basic recipes before baby comes so I can get back on the 100% healthy bandwagon once I no longer have the pregnancy excuse!  I can't tell you how many meatballs I've eaten in the last 8 months. Makes me sick thinking about it!

Basically, the "cake" is almonds, coconut oil, agave/honey, and dates.  The frosting is cashew nut paste with honey (OMG so yummy).

We started the day with an egg over avocado, goat cheese, and arugula on toast (see, your kids really do eat what you eat...or what you give them!).

And I splurged on a latte - only made with Teechino rather than coffee.  Again - super yum.

Okay, I thought it was funny that all my "birthday" pix were of Kaelyn so here is one she took of me with Kdogger.  Approaching 32 weeks - still praying this little guy holds on and all goes okay.