Sunday, October 4, 2009

Miscarriage Humor

I'm not sure if everyone who reads this blog will get the humor in this "joke" of a Hallmark card. My friend Bree (who I met thru a support group) sent it to me from another blog ( and we thought it was HILARIOUS. The main point being that it did make us laugh - so that is a good thing. It is probably humor that only those who've lost babies can understand...but I think there could actually be a business in making these cards. The trouble is, it's a card you'd only want to get from those who have also lost a baby. It just wouldn't be funny to come from someone who has not lost a baby - especially because they are the ones who seem to think that yes, the fact that we can now drink again will make us feel any better for losing a baby. Sorry guys, but wine is not a good trade for a baby. Turns out nothing is.
It is hard that our life has changed so much in the last year.  It's always hard to want something you can't have, but it's even harder when you thought you had it and then it was taken away from you. It makes it especially hard to see everyone around you getting what they want and not having to go through the same pain. It's also difficult to lose the sense of happiness of pregnancy. I'm not looking forward to being pregnant again. I actually told my doctor I want to keep my head at home and send my body for the ultrasounds. But generally, I just don't want anything to do with the entire process. I find that sad - to have lost the joy of the experience.
So don't be looking for any "news" from us anytime soon. Even when we do decide to cross that bridge again, we certainly won't be sharing the news. It will be hard enough to try not to stress about it all every moment of every day - knowing others are thinking about it too would just be too much. Especially when no one else is thinking about what we don't have in our arms right now.  That's the other sad piece - how completely isolating this experience is.  Friends and family stop reaching out after the first month or two - and then they think you should be over it and back to your old self.  It's never just takes different shapes and forms.  You always lost a baby. You've always had more pregnancies than children.  And you are NEVER the same as you were before this experience.  So the only people who can even be a part of your new life are the ones who can recognize that you "need" to be different.  That you're going to have some shi**y moments and times and they'll accept you for that.


  1. I like the other one even better. You know the one about your body not being cut out for pregnancy- probably bc that really applies to me. They're gonna post a new card every Monday. So, check back.

  2. I hope October will bring you and Mike and Kaelyn everything you want Kat, including a new baby on the way! YOU all look GREAT and are obviously living a great life inspite of all the pain you must be going thru! You deserve this and it makes your whole family happy to see you still enjoying life with awesome and sooo beautiful little Kaelyn! You will have a wonderful life still despite that pain and I am so sorry you had to go thru any of this. It is not fair and it sucks, that is for sure!

    I do understand cuz it has been almost exactly 21 years since I lost two babies only 3 months apart- I know how you have felt and if you think about it you will probably remember me saying I didn't think everyone understood my losses then either.

    But as old as I am now with that much time passing by I understand more now about why others didn't seem to understand and I know that isn't as important anyway as knowing how much they love ya no matter what mistakes they make too.

    This blog is a very nice place for many people to get out their feelings and back then we didn't have places like this so I think we've made some progress in that sense! I hope everyone hangs in there and finds happiness no matter what they choose to do next or what fate or whatever brings them and my heart goes out to you guys and everyone who ever lost a child.

    It hurts deeply and yep you don't ever forget but you DO hold them deep in your heart forever no matter what so that is natural and normal to do and I respect others grief more than I even did when I was so grief stricken so I know it taught me some important things too.

    I was lucky. I didn't lose my next and last two babies. And you might not either Kat and all of the other ladies out there.

    I felt it was worth the try and I could NOT have been happier pregnant again and believing again that everything was going to be alright. It was for me and I HOPE and PRAY that it is too for every other woman on this earth. I wouldn't wish my grief on anyone else but I DO WISH my happiness and excitement with my two next pregnancies and births .....big time and double or more for each and every one of you who has ever lost a baby/child!

    Thanks for letting me get that out. Still need to after 21 years!


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